Showbiz Kids: The Oscars, Charlton Heston and Steely Dan

Before we begin, there are two important things to remember about the Oscars. The first is the Charlton Heston Rule. That rule is that the Academy is made up of a lot of people like the late Charlton Heston—old fogeys with traditional tastes. Wonder why Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain or There Will Be Blood didn’t take best picture in 2008? It’s not a hard or fast rule, but think about what your grandmother might vote for. There are a lot of retired actors and techies out there who have a say in what wins.

The second rule has been inaugurated this year. It’s the Steely Dan Rule. What do the ‘70s jazz-funk duo have to do with the Academy Awards? You might remember in 2001, their disc Two Against Nature beat out stiff competition from Radiohead’s Kid A. The reason commonly given was that the producers, engineers and other tech-heads who made up the Recording Academy wanted to recognize the painstaking approach Fagen and Becker took in the studio. Two Against Nature didn’t win because it was filled with great tunes like “Do It Again.” It won because, to a group of voters who use their ears for a living, it sounded great.

It’s this latter rule which makes me think that James Cameron is going to have a good night. Avatar is pretty much a turkey as far as movies go and a staggering display of kitsch. There’s no denying, however, that legions of effects people have spent a lot of time making it look good. That effort will, Squally thinks, be honored by the Academy. Cameron also gets the credit for marshalling that effort. Say what you want about Avatar. Like Titanic it took a guy with a genuine Napoleon complex to put it on screen. The Hurt Locker may be the better movie, but it’s still a more modest achievement—especially in terms of box office. At least Kathryn Bigelow gets a chance to work again, which nobody was expecting after The Weight of Water Avatar’s victory, though, is somewhat bittersweet. That the movie should be honored with a best picture nod when wiser heads understood that its acting and script were somewhere around the level of that Tucker Max flick is a pop culture crime of the highest order.

So now onto the rest …

The Slate: Two Steve McQueens Will Get You 50 Cent and Another Tyler Perry

• We wait years for a Steve McQueen biopic–or rather, we watch The Great Escape again and are quite happy with that–and then TWO come along at once! Jesse Wigutow (It Runs in the Family) is writing a movie based on the biography by Beatles memorabilia dealer Marshall Terrill, which Publishers Weekly called “solid.” His script will focus on how McQueen was “the prototype for the modern-day movie star.” Meanwhile, scripters Roderick and Bruce Taylor (The Brave One) are writing a film based on a memoir by McQueen’s first wife that Publishers Weekly calls “intimate.” McQueen’s story includes drugs, racecars and Ali McGraw, so drama is one thing it won’t lack. (Hollywood Reporter)
• The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone‘s attempt to out-Commando Commando, has lost an Oscar winner and gained a washed-up MC. Forrest Whitaker took a hike when shooting was delayed. 50 Cent is filling the hole, which has apparently set fans’ blubber a-wobblin’. Stallone had to send a missive to Ain’t It Cool News explaining, “the anger of the casting of 50 Cent is understandable, but not fair.” And kinda fun, too! (MTV)
• Tyler Perry just can’t get his back catalog on screen fast enough! The latest Perry play to lumber towards the big screen is 1999’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself, due to hit theatres on September 11. There’s also a cast. Singer Mary J. Blige and Oscar nominee Taraji P. Henson will play friends who get inviegled in various drama when Madea (Perry in a dress) falls ill. Blige can’t act much, but that’s never been a problem in a Perry pic. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Dexter‘s Michael C. Hall, Ben Schwartz, Rainn Wilson and Sarah Silverman will play members of a family ruffled by a sibling’s roman a clef in the indie schmindie Peep World. They’re peeved that the novel contains thinly sketched versions of themselves and their various foibles. We’re looking forward to Silverman going full shrill in this comedy from Barry Blaustein, who had a hand in writing Coming to America. (Hollywood Reporter)
• One to file under “Remakes We Don’t Need”: a new take on Blake Edwards‘s The Party. The original film featured Peter Sellers in a defiantly un-PC performance as an Indian extra fired from a Gunga Din remake and invited to a Hollywood blow-out. Disaster ensues with the help of a drunken waiter and a baby elephant. Jonathan Kesselman (The Hebrew Hammer) is the poor slob who must guide this mess to fruition. But the money is good. (Hollywood Reporter)