Posts Tagged ‘Sylvester Stallone’

The Slate: Pacino Stopped at Moscow, Clash of the Luvvies

April 10, 2009

al-pacino

  • Somewhere along the way, Napoleon went from being a military genius to romantic comedian. Now he’s the stuff of kids films. Al Pacino is reported to be taking off the lifts and putting on the cockaded hat for Betsy and the Emperor. Based on the children’s book by Staton Rabin, the film will tell the story of the defeated emperor and the teenage girl he befriends while exiled in St. Helena. Leave your smutty minds in Elba. Emma Watson is due to star in a separate film, Napoleon and Betsy, which entertains the possibility of a queasy romantic relationship that sounds like the product of an Oxford professor’s effort at Harry Potter fan fic. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • Aside from a shirtless Harry Hamlin, one thing the original Clash of the Titans had going for it was plenty of British stage actors who really should have known better playing Greek Gods. Now the remake is headed in the same direction. Sam Worthington has already agreed to put on Hamlin’s girdle as Perseus. Now Liam Neeson has agreed to play Zeus. He’ll be throwing thunderbolts at horndog Ralph Fiennes, who will play Hades when not chasing the nymphs around. Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk) will be the ringmaster. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • If nothing else, Sylvester Stallone‘s The Expendables exists to give us casting bites that make folks say, “Wow, I didn’t know they were still alive!” And Brittany Murphy has yet to check into the Hollywood graveyard. The 8 Mile star will play Mickey Rourke’s chanteuse beard girlfriend, and most likely serve to get kidnapped by the ethnic baddies and be the most expendable of the ‘roided bunch. Still, Brittany, welcome back! (Hollywood Reporter)
  • Some call him “genius,” others call him “obnoxious,” but writer-director David O. Russell would prefer “busy.” A mere week after news broke that he would be directing The Silver Linings Playbook, he’s signed up for Aaron and Sarah. Formerly known as B.F.F., A&S is described as a romantic comedy of the hottie/nottie variety, with the odd couple falling for each other over four years of high school. Doesn’t seem like Russell could work much magic with this, but maybe he’ll cast Lily Tomlin as the principal! [It will be a cold day in hell when that happens – Lily Tomlin] (Variety)
  • We’re a long way from Grumpy Old Men. Larry Charles, director of Borat and the Seinfeld writer who coined the line “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” is about to make a Cialis comedy. In Winter’s Discontent, a widower moves into a retirement community looking for geriatric poontang. He brings his best buddy with him to keep the one-liners flying. The prospect of senior boot-knocking will be good news for anyone turned on by the finale of Japon. (Variety)

Fast & Furious Metaphor/Simile Watch

April 3, 2009

fast-furiousNicolas Rapold, Village Voice: “The molded-rubber face of Savalas, the basso profundo of Stallone, and the name of an underdog gas alternative … already-dubious ripped-tough-guy star has dimmed … reinforced-steel nerves … Timberlakean build could fit inside Diesel’s bulk twice over … hand-rubbing glee … straight-up first person console … cut-and-pasted from Grand Theft Auto.”

Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly: “Sewer-throated, shovel-headed … burned through L.A. streets … that walking Popeye … a Sylvester Stallone tribute band … hot rods driven by hot dogs … a victory lap … the jammed landscape of mass-market new releases … an attractive getaway route … stick shifts do the talking.”

Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News: “A lemon that’s been tricked out with a fancy paint job … scrutiny under the hood … priced himself out of the race … doesn’t exactly get a warm embrace … an oversized video game … the next lap.”

Peter Travers, Rolling Stone: “A literal joke … the link to logic in Chris Morgan’s script evaporates … a used car that can occasionally choke to life and burn up the road … get under his hood.”

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: “Rotates these nouns through various assortments of dialogue … a scaffolding on which to hang the body of the movie.”

The Slate: Nicole Fiddy Barcelona

March 26, 2009

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  • Nicole Kidman must have read our foaming over Freida Pinto and thought to herself, “I remember when Squally used to do that to me.” So she’s also decided to sign up for Woody Allen‘s London-set latest. Among the others trying to get her to unfreeze her face are Josh Brolin, Antonio Banderas, and Kidman’s BFF Naomi Watts. The average age of the cast is 44, boding well for fans of adult film. (Variety)
  • 50 Cent was all excited about appearing in The Expendables when … oh wait, seems 50 Cent has NO intention of being in Sylvester Stallone‘s tribute to steroid-ravaged flesh. His rep says that Curtis Jackson is too busy finishing his latest album. So Stallone has gone straight back to the Bad Actor Well and pulled out Terry Crews as a replacement. Which leaves only Brian Bosworth to sign on the dotted line … (MTV News)
  • After Mel Gibson’s adrenalized Christ, it was only a matter of time before other Biblical heroes got in on the action. Now Methusaleh will be doing a little Assyrian-kicking. The long-lived Hebrew is the subject of a forthcoming “elevated action thriller” from Warner Bros. and director James Watkins (Eden Lake). Now if only someone will listen to our Judas Maccabeus pitch. (Variety)
  • We’ve had news of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Monopoly, Candyland, and Ouija. So why not Major Matt Mason? Tom Hanks has expressed an interest in a film based on the 1960s astronaut toy line, to be written by Graham Yost (Speed). Mason and his team worked on the moon, but lived on a space station. Must have been a helluva commute. Hanks is serious–he even brought his Mason toy collection to the meeting. Strewth. (Variety)
  • Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, and your blogger has never set foot in Gossip Girl‘s world. But the news that Brittany Snow and Jessica Szohr will star in indie drama Walks is bound to make somebody go “OMG!” The RZA, Emmanuelle Chriqui and Bruce Willis’ daughter will also appear in the film, about a group of New Yorkers eagerly awaiting a graffiti legend to emerge from prison. (MTV News)

The Slate: Two Steve McQueens Will Get You 50 Cent and Another Tyler Perry

March 23, 2009

steve-mcqueen

  • We wait years for a Steve McQueen biopic–or rather, we watch The Great Escape again and are quite happy with that–and then TWO come along at once! Jesse Wigutow (It Runs in the Family) is writing a movie based on the biography by Beatles memorabilia dealer Marshall Terrill, which Publishers Weekly called “solid.” His script will focus on how McQueen was “the prototype for the modern-day movie star.” Meanwhile, scripters Roderick and Bruce Taylor (The Brave One) are writing a film based on a memoir by McQueen’s first wife that Publishers Weekly calls “intimate.” McQueen’s story includes drugs, racecars and Ali McGraw, so drama is one thing it won’t lack. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone‘s attempt to out-Commando Commando, has lost an Oscar winner and gained a washed-up MC. Forrest Whitaker took a hike when shooting was delayed. 50 Cent is filling the hole, which has apparently set fans’ blubber a-wobblin’. Stallone had to send a missive to Ain’t It Cool News explaining, “the anger of the casting of 50 Cent is understandable, but not fair.” And kinda fun, too! (MTV)
  • Tyler Perry just can’t get his back catalog on screen fast enough! The latest Perry play to lumber towards the big screen is 1999’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself, due to hit theatres on September 11. There’s also a cast. Singer Mary J. Blige and Oscar nominee Taraji P. Henson will play friends who get inviegled in various drama when Madea (Perry in a dress) falls ill. Blige can’t act much, but that’s never been a problem in a Perry pic. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • Dexter‘s Michael C. Hall, Ben Schwartz, Rainn Wilson and Sarah Silverman will play members of a family ruffled by a sibling’s roman a clef in the indie schmindie Peep World. They’re peeved that the novel contains thinly sketched versions of themselves and their various foibles. We’re looking forward to Silverman going full shrill in this comedy from Barry Blaustein, who had a hand in writing Coming to America. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • One to file under “Remakes We Don’t Need”: a new take on Blake Edwards‘s The Party. The original film featured Peter Sellers in a defiantly un-PC performance as an Indian extra fired from a Gunga Din remake and invited to a Hollywood blow-out. Disaster ensues with the help of a drunken waiter and a baby elephant. Jonathan Kesselman (The Hebrew Hammer) is the poor slob who must guide this mess to fruition. But the money is good. (Hollywood Reporter)

The Slate: Indian Summer’s Eclipse is Expendable

March 12, 2009

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  • Eclipse finally has a director. After Drew Barrymore flirted with taking on the Stephenie Meyer novel, it’s going to be Juan Antonio Bayona (The Orphanage) who will be sitting in the director’s chair and making sure it’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. The film needs to be ready for June 30, 2010, so where this leaves Bayona’s Hater is a question best left to somebody who actually follows this stuff for a living. (Variety)
  • The great news is that somebody is making a Dirty Dozen for the 2010s. The bad news is it’s Sylvester Stallone. Charisma Carpenter will join the cast of The Expendables as the token chick among Stallone, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham and a few straight-to-video faces. The aging bad-asses will be dropped in an anonymous South American country to overthrow a dictator in meaty style. (TV Guide)
  • Atonement director Joe Wright is taking on Alex van Tunzelmann’s Raj book Indian Summerand putting a big, fat tracking shot right in the middle of it. The novel focuses on Lord Mountbatten’s handover of imperial power to Indian PM Jawaharlal Nehru, who happens to be shtupping Lady Mountbatten. Expect lots of linen, stiff upper lips, racism and heat … this beastly heat. (Variety)
  • Heathers, the high school comedy beloved of anybody who ever wore shoulder pads or did a bad Jack Nicholson impression, could be headed for Broadway sometime in 2010. The music is being written by Larry O’Keefe (Legally Blonde), the lyrics and book by Kevin Murphy (Reefer Madness). Who will play Veronica? Kristen Bell was sighted taking part in early readings. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • Break out the tuna! The Cove, a Sundance-approved documentary that might also be titled Swimming With (and Slaughtering) Dolphins, has finally got a happy ending. The film has become something of a Cinematical pet project, and now the site happily reports that Roadside Attractions has picked this puppy up for a July 31 release, just as soon as they’re done filleting. (Cinematical)