Before we begin, there are two important things to remember about the Oscars. The first is the Charlton Heston Rule. That rule is that the Academy is made up of a lot of people like the late Charlton Heston—old fogeys with traditional tastes. Wonder why Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain or There Will Be Blood didn’t take best picture in 2008? It’s not a hard or fast rule, but think about what your grandmother might vote for. There are a lot of retired actors and techies out there who have a say in what wins.
The second rule has been inaugurated this year. It’s the Steely Dan Rule. What do the ‘70s jazz-funk duo have to do with the Academy Awards? You might remember in 2001, their disc Two Against Nature beat out stiff competition from Radiohead’s Kid A. The reason commonly given was that the producers, engineers and other tech-heads who made up the Recording Academy wanted to recognize the painstaking approach Fagen and Becker took in the studio. Two Against Nature didn’t win because it was filled with great tunes like “Do It Again.” It won because, to a group of voters who use their ears for a living, it sounded great.
It’s this latter rule which makes me think that James Cameron is going to have a good night. Avatar is pretty much a turkey as far as movies go and a staggering display of kitsch. There’s no denying, however, that legions of effects people have spent a lot of time making it look good. That effort will, Squally thinks, be honored by the Academy. Cameron also gets the credit for marshalling that effort. Say what you want about Avatar. Like Titanic it took a guy with a genuine Napoleon complex to put it on screen. The Hurt Locker may be the better movie, but it’s still a more modest achievement—especially in terms of box office. At least Kathryn Bigelow gets a chance to work again, which nobody was expecting after The Weight of WaterAvatar’s victory, though, is somewhat bittersweet. That the movie should be honored with a best picture nod when wiser heads understood that its acting and script were somewhere around the level of that Tucker Max flick is a pop culture crime of the highest order.
The British do seem to enjoy exhuming their past and fobbing it off on an audience unable to resist tradition’s lure. The latest victim of grave-robbing is Ronald Searle’s St. Trinian’s cartoons, first turned into a series of sexy teen comedies steered by Alistair Sim during the 1950s. The idea of this remake seems to be …well, Squally isn’t entirely sure what the idea is. Neither, Squally suspects do the filmmakers.
Searle drew his cartoon featuring the St. Trinian’s girls shortly before he was shipped off to Singapore with the Royal Engineers. He was captured by the Japanese after the fall of the city. He was sent to Changi Prison, where he shared a cell with another 199 captives, and worked on the Burma Road Railway, where his weight dipped down to seven stone. He also suffered a pickaxe to the spine. Those Japanese soldiers were real sweethearts.
Designer Tom Ford makes his directorial debut with an adaptation of the Christopher Isherwood novel. An English professor spends his day grieving for his dead lover. The glib thing to say is that the results look like a perfume commercial. The rampant visual fetishization of the 1960s and the presence of Colin Firth and Julianne Moore and all their attendant actorial baggage, however, is certainly intriguing.
Is anybody interested in writing a sequel to X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Simon Beaufoy isn’t. The Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire scribe was no sooner mooted by Ain’t It Cool News when he politely rebuffed the suggestion. Then Fox announced there weren’t even any plans for a W2, although we’re sure Hugh Jackman wouldn’t want this cash-cow turned into hamburger just yet. Based on all the homo-eroticism going on in the trailers and TV spots, we’re wondering if maybe they should just remake Boys in the Band but with more spandex and ninjas. ( Entertainment Weekly)
James Mangold has a movie. Now he just needs Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz to star in it. The Walk the Line director has signed up to helm an untitled romantic comedy about a woman whose enigmatic blind date leads her on an unexpected adventure. The film was originally tailored for recluse Chris Tucker and extrovert Eva Mendes. Now some script re-tooling is going on and money is being waved in front of the toothsome twosome. Can Cruise do enigmatic? Will Cameron Diaz dance in her underwear? We can but dream. (Variety)
Uma Thurman is going back to her Greek roots, sorta. Having made her big screen debut as Venus in Baron Munchausen, she’ll be playing the real deal in Chris Columbus‘ Percy Jackson. Actually, she’ll be playing Medusa. The fantasy film follows Poseidon’s son (Logan Lerman) as looks for Zeus’ lost lightning bolt in contemporary America. Pierce Brosnan will play a centaur. He’s not going back to his roots. He just has no shame. (Variety)
Orlando Bloom is headed south. He’s going to play a cop in a small-town whose ordinary lives are ruffled by an extraordinary stranger in Main Street. The film is the last screenplay of Horton Foote, who died earlier in the mouth. The role of local cocksman will be played by Andrew McCarthy (Weekend at Bernie’s). Other townsfolk will be played by Patricia Clarkson, Ellen Burstyn and Colin Firth, with Tony-winner John Doyle (Sweeney Todd) directing. (Hollywood Reporter)
Director Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) had such a wonderful time turning the excitable Mark Millar‘s graphic novel Kick-Ass into a movie, he wants to do it again. Vaughn and Millar are talking about bringing the American Jesuscomics into theatres. The story centers on Jesus (a plum part for Joaquin Phoenix, we think) returning to earth to battle the Antichrist (Howie Mandel) in modern times. Previously, this film was known as Rocky IV. (Hollywood Reporter)
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