Your Codpiece Awaits You, Mr. Crowe

russell-crowe1There are certain films which you can just smell the fear on. One of those is Ridley Scott‘s forthcoming Robin Hood film. The movie has had more changes of direction than David Bowie‘s career. It still doesn’t even have a title. Now it doesn’t even have star Russell Crowe‘s hair. He told WENN that it–like so much of the film–wasn’t working for him. So he’s decided to shear off the Nelson-like mane he grew to play Sir Robin of Locksley.

He says, “I just got sick of it. I made two movies working around the length of the hair–just for Robin Hood–and then, once we finally got the green light, and I knew that I had to click into the work-outs seriously, it didn’t suit any more.”

We admire Crowe’s commitment to the Method, but he needs to learn that there are wig-makers for a reason. Crowe has also poo-pooed the idea that he’ll be prancing around Sherwood Forest in tights. Rather, he’s going for the full Jethro Tull:

“Basically, the period we’re dealing with is 1198 to 1202 and tights weren’t invented for another 400 years. I do have a pretty nice, snazzy pair of leather pamts with a rather large cod-piece.”

Here’s a preview:

codpiece

The Robin Hood movie was formerly called Nottingham, and originally was to be told from the Sheriff of Nottingham’s perspective. Scott’s notion was to have Crowe play both a sympathetic Sheriff of Nottingham and a shifty Robin–with “cruel” Maid Marian forming the apex of their love triangle. Delays were caused by the pending SAG strike, followed by claims that Crowe had supped too many cans of Castlemaine XXXX to play the role. There was more controversy when fauxtress Sienna Miller was cast as Maid Marian, then was unceremoniously booted in January 2009 for being clueless “too hot.” The New York Post also reported that Crowe and Scott were clashing on set … even though the film isn’t due to begin shooting until April 2009.

By February, Scott had decided to lose his high concept and just make a traditional Robin Hood film. Just this week, a full cast was announced for the film. Cate Blanchett stepped into Sienna Miller’s frock as Maid Marian. Vanessa Redgrave is also on board … but sadly not in the Una O’Connor role. She’ll be playing Queen Elanor of Aquitaine. The plum part of King John will go to Oscar Isaac, who played Bassam in the last Crowe/Scott flop, Body of Lies.

Now that shooting is about to begin, perhaps all this drama can be forgotten. (The codpiece is another thing.) So what’s the prognosis? Does the world need another Robin Hood film, or did Prince of Thieves kill the genre stone dead? Have Crowe and Scott ever made a good movie together? Your thoughts are welcome.

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3 Responses to “Your Codpiece Awaits You, Mr. Crowe”

  1. Quiet, please! Jake Gyllenhaal … « SquallyShowers Says:

    […] … is thinking about Russell Crowe’s codpiece. […]

  2. Codpiece for Mr. Franco! « SquallyShowers Says:

    […] the meantime, this Highness needs a princess bride, a wizard, and plenty of stockings. Maybe even a codpiece. Who would you like to see buckle Franco’s swash? Possibly related posts: (automatically […]

  3. The Slate: New Moon Gets New Sheen « SquallyShowers Says:

    […] History of Violence. Now he’ll hopefully be bringing bizarre line readings and facial hair to the untitled Robin Hood film that we love to rag on. He plays the Earl of Pembroke, a powerful noble who served both Richard the […]

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