The Slate: Who’s Doing What to Whom and For How Much

sean-pennA round-up of what the trades are tittering about:

  • Universal Pictures is circling around Sean Penn to bust the heads of a Mexican cartel in, er, Cartel. Ghosts of Cite Soleil director Asger Leth dips into the Third World muck again. Cartel‘s being described as an “action vehicle for Penn.” Here’s hoping it’s the BIGGEST, GAYEST action vehicle ever (that will make you stand up and cheer!). (Variety)
  • Checks are being waved in front of Milla Jovovich to star in Mile Zero. If Milla’s desperate enough, she will play a woman who goes to work on an oil derrick in an effort to clear her father’s name. Please god let there be zombies. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • Joss Whedon has written a horror spin called The Cabin in the Woods. Those fighting for the top bunk (and presumably also fighting an unmentionable evil and/or power tool) are Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, and Jesse Williams. Should hit screens on Feb. 5, 2010. (Hollywood Reporter)
  • The short, sordid story of ’70s jailbait rockers The Runaways is being made into a film called, er, The Runaways, and based on the memoirs of lead singer Cherie Currie. Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, Joan Jett sapphism and 15-year-olds yelling “Cherry B-b-b-b-bomb!” are assured. The prospect of Dakota Fanning as Currie? Well, we can dream. White Stripes associate Floria Sigismondi writes and directs. (Variety)
  • Diane Keaton is likely to join Harrison Ford and Rachel McAdams in the comedy Morning Glory. Harrison is a cranky TV anchor involved in the morning talk show wars. Directed by Roger Michell, whose The Mother is worth seeking out for its young Daniel Craig and geriatric sex. (Production Weekly)
  • Nuri Bilge Ceylan‘s Three Monkeys has changed hands following New Yorker Films going bust. Zeitgeist Films will now distribute the Cannes prize-winner. Expect it to bow in New York in April, with hopefully dates elsewhere thereafter. (Indiewire)
  • Kevin Smith has changed the title of A Couple of Dicks to A Couple of Cops. He also is offering a reward for his missing balls. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan will play two detectives on the trail of a 1952 baseball card when not asking themselves, “Whatever happened to Kevin Smith’s balls?” (Variety)

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