Watchmen Metaphor/Simile Watch

  • Peter Martin, Cinematical: “It’s like someone decided the alphabet was too long: most of the consonants are still there, but Watchmen is missing a couple of vowels. … Some of the actors sound as though they’re delivering their lines for the first time, reading off cue cards. … Doctor Manhattan’s big blue penis, dangling like a participle with no tomorrow. … On its own, the movie is an efficient adrenaline delivery machine, occasionally taking flight and occasionally sputtering, but most often just motoring down a long road with colorful scenery to pass the time.”
  • J. Hoberman, Village Voice: “A mutated atomic scientist who glows like blue kryptonite … The Comedian is a cigar chomping a-hole … who at his height claimed to embody the American Dream … humping like porn stars … For all its superficial fidelity, Snyder’s movie stands Moore’s novel on its head, trying to reconstruct a conventional blockbuster out of those empty capes and scattered shards.”


  • Roger Ebert: “The forces of the universe seeming to coil beneath his skin … like a mood ring of the id … particles seem exempt from the usual limitations of space and time … That level of symbolism is coiling away beneath all superheroes. … “Watchmen” brings surprising conviction to these characters as flawed and minor gods … an incredible city seemingly made of crystal and mathematical concepts. This is his equivalent to 40 days in the desert, and he returns as a savior.”
  • Tom Huddleston, Time Out London: “Matthew Goode’s vacuous portrayal of the power-hungry Ozymandias suggests annoyed playboy rather than World’s Smartest Man. … Snyder repeatedly fluffs the film’s emotional peaks, blundering through on his way to another action setpiece.”
  • Ian Nathan, Empire Online: “It was less the Citizen Kane of graphic novels than the Ulysses — a vortex of astonishing ideas that could take you years to fully compute. … Greater reputations than Snyder’s have wrestled with the beast to no avail. … Amid the mud-hurling of the recent court case, the script was accused of being an “unintelligible piece of shit”. … something palatable for human bladders … Viet-Cong splattered like flies … The entire atmosphere, dunking the cleaner lines of the novel into a pungently vivid, rain-sloshed superhero noir, lacquered in blood stains and midnight shadows, is superbly realised … “

Sorry, Mike. Seymour got left on the cutting room floor. For those interested in Alan Moore‘s post-Watchmen work, Mike Sterling’s Progressive Ruin has also rounded-up articles on the writer’s genre-busting early 1980s run on Swamp Thing.

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One Response to “Watchmen Metaphor/Simile Watch”

  1. Watchmen Post Mortem « SquallyShowers Says:

    […] this glowing blue paint off (ammonia?), the accountants are sifting through the $55 million that Watchmen has taken in. Everybody else is trying to read the film’s future in the entrails. The quick […]

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