The Slate: Pacino Stopped at Moscow, Clash of the Luvvies

• Somewhere along the way, Napoleon went from being a military genius to romantic comedian. Now he’s the stuff of kids films. Al Pacino is reported to be taking off the lifts and putting on the cockaded hat for Betsy and the Emperor. Based on the children’s book by Staton Rabin, the film will tell the story of the defeated emperor and the teenage girl he befriends while exiled in St. Helena. Leave your smutty minds in Elba. Emma Watson is due to star in a separate film, Napoleon and Betsy, which entertains the possibility of a queasy romantic relationship that sounds like the product of an Oxford professor’s effort at Harry Potter fan fic. (Hollywood Reporter)
• Aside from a shirtless Harry Hamlin, one thing the original Clash of the Titans had going for it was plenty of British stage actors who really should have known better playing Greek Gods. Now the remake is headed in the same direction. Sam Worthington has already agreed to put on Hamlin’s girdle as Perseus. Now Liam Neeson has agreed to play Zeus. He’ll be throwing thunderbolts at horndog Ralph Fiennes, who will play Hades when not chasing the nymphs around. Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk) will be the ringmaster. (Hollywood Reporter)
• If nothing else, Sylvester Stallone‘s The Expendables exists to give us casting bites that make folks say, “Wow, I didn’t know they were still alive!” And Brittany Murphy has yet to check into the Hollywood graveyard. The 8 Mile star will play Mickey Rourke’s chanteuse beard girlfriend, and most likely serve to get kidnapped by the ethnic baddies and be the most expendable of the ‘roided bunch. Still, Brittany, welcome back! (Hollywood Reporter)
• Some call him “genius,” others call him “obnoxious,” but writer-director David O. Russell would prefer “busy.” A mere week after news broke that he would be directing The Silver Linings Playbook, he’s signed up for Aaron and Sarah. Formerly known as B.F.F., A&S is described as a romantic comedy of the hottie/nottie variety, with the odd couple falling for each other over four years of high school. Doesn’t seem like Russell could work much magic with this, but maybe he’ll cast Lily Tomlin as the principal! [It will be a cold day in hell when that happens – Lily Tomlin] (Variety)
• We’re a long way from Grumpy Old Men. Larry Charles, director of Borat and the Seinfeld writer who coined the line “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” is about to make a Cialis comedy. In Winter’s Discontent, a widower moves into a retirement community looking for geriatric poontang. He brings his best buddy with him to keep the one-liners flying. The prospect of senior boot-knocking will be good news for anyone turned on by the finale of Japon. (Variety)